My Nana, the Pimp, Dealer, Spy…?
Last year, when COVID hit, my Nana was forced into retiring. She’d been working at the same place for around thirty five years, and was almost ready to retire anyway. I think she mostly kept working there for the few remaining coworkers that hadn’t changed or been let go. The other event that occurred in relation to COVID, was that her cleaning lady stopped coming. Fair enough with the pandemic, but I’m sure that after ten years my Nana would’ve liked to say goodbye.
The position this put me in, was simple. In need of a job, and eager to help, I was hired as my Nana’s new cleaning lady just for basic chores once a week. Easy tasks to maintain her house. Over that summer as well, I helped her deep clean and recycle/donate everything that she wasn’t using. Extra clothes, jewelry, books, unopened Christmas cards from 2003, old paperwork, etc. The typical stuff. By mid-September, her house was free of excess junk, and she’d become much more successful at “Marie Kondo”-ing. I still clean her house, and still keep telling her that she doesn’t have to pay me, but she insists.
Taking it back to the beginning of summer however, there’s a few details that seem relevant. Each week, she paid me in cash. Normal… Except for the fact that this cash came from a giant metal box, like the kind they collect cash in at merch tables at concert venues. Divided into sections for each bill amount, and spaces for coins. This box was stacked full, like money had to be squished into the slots full. The only reasonable manner I can think of for her to have achieved this money is that she is a pimp. Additionally, the cash didn’t all start in the box. She stashed (/stashes?) it all around her house, in kitchen cupboards, the shoe cupboard, and closets. Envelopes, boxes of misc. paperwork, and folders. Suspicious… And for this box to be so professional, when her ‘wallet’ for the past ten years has been a ziploc bag? Odd…
The other logical explanation I can think of for this scattered and suspicious cash, is that she’s a narcotics dealer. Her cupboards were (before we purged them) full of vitamins and supplements, with expiries dating as far back as 1998. Were these just fronts? Very suspicious… She wasn’t taking any of these vitamins, and yet, seemed to collect them. When going through her bookshelves/office closets, she also had dozens of contact books. Names, addresses, full contact info including phone numbers and emails. Why so many people? Hmm? She definitely doesn’t talk to all of them…
The sole remaining reason that I can think of for my Nana to be so suspicious is that she is an international spy. She’s travelled all over the world, all across the States, the UK, and Canada. She has information on families dating as far back as research allows. And, when cleaning her house, I collected a large Tupperware container’s worth of USB’s. Some having mass amounts of storage on, and some with less. But what is the need for that? Extra suspicious. This would explain the cash and address books as well. Safe-houses?
Unfortunately, she will never divulge her secrets. She continually maintains the facade that she is just a retired genealogist. Addresses all for Christmas cards, and family histories for fun? The cash is because she “just likes to have some on hand.” Vitamins for obvious health reasons. The USB’s are supposedly also for genealogy. And maybe, yes, these claims can be backed up by proof. But I know her secrets.
